Archeology of a dream/Site of resistance,
December 2009/2010
@ParentsHouse,
Melbourne, Australia
photos Katya Grokhovsky
A quick 10 day Christmas trip to Melbourne Australia where my parents reside. I pulled out all the work I ever made which their house holds. All the sketches/books/fashion/costumes/journals/portfolios/video works/sculptures/paintings/drawings.
Displayed in a scattered manner all about their house, including garage, backyard and front yard. Over production excess of making ? What to do ? WHO wants it? What is precious? What is disposable?
20 years of creation of things?
Or eBay.
1001 ideas.
1001 questions for my parents.
1001 things I know.
1001 recipes my mother and grandmother know, which I would like to learn and be able to cook....Monthly dinner parties, constructed from these recipes.
3 yearlong "THINGS I SHOULD DO" before I die project
(based on "1001 something before you die" books):
1001 books I need to be reading.
1001 movies I need to be watching.
1001 places I should be seeing.
1001 songs I should be listening to.
1001 paintings I should be seeing.
1001 foods I should be trying.
1001 sculptures I should be seeing.
Artist Book Idea: I'd like to create: 1001 things I made which you should know about before you die.
Categories, from the Pillow Book, by Sei Shonagon, Japan, answered when drunk:
1. Things I despise:Art fairs
2. Things that make my heart beat fast: Great coffee
3. Rare things: Gratitude
4. Things that create the appearance of deep emotion: tears
5. Alarming-looking things: bleached blond hair
6. Things that look fresh and pure: tulips
7. Things with terrifying names: cats
8. Repulsive things: live blood
9. Things that look lovely but are horrible inside: humans
10. Things that are near yet far: lovers
11. Dispiriting things: unfulfilled promises
12. Things that are far, yet near: parents
13. Good subjects for paintings: performance
14. Bad subjects for painting: dogs
15. Embarrassing things: not knowing
16. Endearingly lovely things: pillows
17. Things that fall: hair
18. Things that keep passing by: loves
work 005: Collectress project: document things I collect, in books/online/photos.
work 006: artist as athlete.Join gym/personal trainer. Train for a year. hardcore. document training. document nutrition. train for performance. Train for long haul. Train for MFA. Train as for Olympics.
MFA Thesis show opening at Sullivan Galleries at SAIC on Friday.
Saturday: studio and Ballet LOL cats
Sunday: Art Chicago/Next art fairs and studio
Butterflies flattering about white wine in stomach, somehow delirious, somehow anxious, somehow anticipating next year, somehow sensing excitement of an end and a beginning. Inner ability to project future stress is extraordinarily pronounced. Flying in polka dots about the galleries, paying slight attention to the art, intrigued. Who's next? Next next next next next next next next next and again next next next next next next next next next................................
Family of faces.
Tears steaming. Fragile encounter with weaker self. A need to digest, reflect, sit , think, ponder. Nervous ticking of constant flow of ideas. VISUAL ART.
Next is a big word. It all feels fleetingly frightening and exposed. I am in conscious denial of a coming lifting of a "rock" of a year.
Dissolved ability to talk about anything other than art and myself? Analytical critique of sudden ants in my kitchen. Offers of Summer TA jobs at school. What do I do? Awaiting results of various residency applications. The process never ends. Hunger at 1pm, sleepless night.
Saturday, school is necessary. Missing my school studio when I'm not there. Missing my apartment when I'm not there. Enjoying the luxury of my new long- searched- for and loved Queen of the bedroom- iron bed. Bed as studio/writing office.
The need to eat brunch. Eggs.Coffee. Dark Chocolate. The feeling of running towards impossibility of achievement. Always striving, always reaching, never touching, never reaching. Russian mantra to be the best burned into my being. Papa, the best at what, precisely? Meanings unclear. Revolving around my axis, pushing upwards. Equation. I am absolutely terrible at math. (Numbers dyslexia has officially become much more pronounced).
Coming week. Monday: critique. Tuesday: on a critique panel as a grad student panelist. Wednesday -TA day in FYP, 20 page art history essay due. Thursday? Something I'm forgetting, I am absolutely sure. Friday: Fashion SAIC Show in Modern Wing and performance graduate lectures. Interviews for ECP TA positions.
Two weeks left of the first year of my MFA. I want it to last another 5 years.
I want to take every class I can. Advise with all the advisers I want. Read all the books in the School Library. Watch all the videos in the Videodata bank at SAIC. Consume knowledge to the point of absolute binge. As a child I used to disappear into books for days and nights. I consumed encyclopedias of dog breeds, plants, anatomy, medical dictionaries , Russian literature, poetry, Alexander Dumas books, George Sand, Bulgakov, Pushkin, Dostoevsky, Nabokov, Shakespeare translated by Pasternak, Charlotte Bronte, and many many more....
Big Fat Chance Lifelong Wish list: A library the size of a football field containing every book I ever wanted to read and should have read.
Ready to start work on one long-term project.
Train for IT??
Working with the Notion Of Success as Subject. Reality TV shows.
Bravo TV??? That One Big Chance of a lifetime??? why?
Assume position One.
Art as Sport.
Go!
