Bloodbed
@What it Is
February 2010
photo: Katya Grokhovsky
Asceticism:
"From greek askesis or training/exercises! (yes)
abstinence from worldly pleasures, salvation and liberation involve a process of mind-body transformation effected by exercising restraint with respect to actions of body, speech and mind. Those who practice ascetic lifestyles do not consider their practices virtuous in themselves but pursue such a lifestyle in order to encourage, or "prepare the ground for", mind-body transformation. Worldly asceticism is specifically targeted against worldly pleasures that distract people from their calling, and may accept worldly pleasures that are not distracting".
(wikipedia).
The lowdown:
Ascetic. When it comes down to it: I, as an artist am the bull and/or the bullfighter? The nun or the monastery? Pagan and/or cloistered? Ascetic and messy. Excessive and ordered. Accumulation. Things...Self discipline of a musician. Photography and alternative. Video and performance. Merging and embodiment. Self tracking. Text into reality. Reality into text. A way with words. Collaboration with OTHERS? I once wrote a play. Directing.Training for an event. Training for nothing. Running nowhere.
Digital self-portrait through obsessive self-tracking. Art -idea-Thought tracking.
An ability to create something very powerful. How about I do nothing for a year. Nada. ?? How about I write nothing. By filling my every hour with art related everything, I become an art nun, serving the Art God. Thank you ART.I shall serve you well. Abstinence from everything but ART. But if anything you do is ART, what will I be abstaining from? Sleep? Food? Sex? That ain't art miss. But, I am an artist, everything I do is art...?right?
No.Yes.
What am I trying to tell my audience through my "ascetically" disciplined art?
Audience! I do not know.
I do know that a 100000 hours and something, brings results. What kind of results ? Positive? Negative? If not, what is enough?
When is enough enough enough enough enough.
Professional artist. Growing growing.
Up late at night, I am at attention.
A nun?? Absurd or Truth.
Obsessively listening to one song for hours. Learning it and trying not to remember. Do not mention the word soul.
Fashion show. Memories. Lights, music, excitement..and immediate boredom, not a good kind of boredom, a tedious terrifying boredom from fashion. It settles in half-way through. I need devices. I know it well, all too well. Front row, little writing pad in hand, looking important. Dressed up in black. Noting down. Power, pretending, this is a performance. I am interested in the dynamics of stereotyping and immediacy of fitting the stereotype. It is invigorating. I am catching myself performing a role of Someone Very Very Visibly Important and Powerful. It fits well and makes me giggle inside. Damn it.
Planning Summer.
NYC, San Fran, Melbourne?
Summer TA in Painting/drawing/photography.
Rejections: Advanced Visual Art Summer Residency in Como, Italy.
Attended:
Lectures:
James Elkins/Michael Newman @SAIC
Performance graduate lectures
SAIC Fashion Show @Modern Wing
Alphabetization, Opening of Art Show
Other critiques.
Mentally full.
Artistically inclined to start producing?
Structures and sculptures in studio to be constructed for photography.Summer projects to be designed.
Parents in my work. Working with parents. Long Distance?
Compiling a List of Questions to Myself:
Question: What are you doing?
Answer: Writing this entry for the blog.
Smart. This will become a torture. This might become entertainment.
This will be b.o.o.ring. Playing with language and text and font will not help you.Writing about writing, art about art, performance about performance, video about video, painting about painting, etcetctctetetetetetete.
Lists are good.
List no.1:
Things TO do in Summer, which I think I will do, but probably won't.
List no.2:
Things I love.
List no.3:
Unrealistic ideas.
List no.4:
Things I do which make others, I'm sure, angry and annoyed.
List no.5:
Things I love and hate at the same time.
List no.6:
Things I make lists about.
Smart.
1001 Questions to my parents:
Question 1:How old were you when you met each other? Both of you.
Question 2: Where did you meet, city, place, location of place?
Question 3: Did you think it was destiny, when you met, if yes, why yes if not, why not?
