number thirty six: BuNNYDancing and post-open studio, post-lastMFAlecture

Katya Grokhovsky, Instructions for Slow Dancing

breathe.................

BunnyDancing, WOMAN. Blond Wig , again, RUSSIAN BITCH for Halloween and what to do with the voluptuous female body..................my own.

Response to Slow Dance by Stephanie Plenner, (SAIC):

SLOW DANCE
for Katya Grokhovsky

A RESPONSE

The Wait:
The Dancer waiting for a partner
The spectator/audience wait for their turn to dance.
The mind of a spectator watching the dance?
Desire
Yearning
Shy
Awkwardness
Hesitation
Fantasize
Reminisce (good&/or bad memories)

The Distance:

when exploring the dance, explore the space between.
Pushing people's limits.
Smells- what if you smell really bad or (weird)? Will they say something?
Will they excuse their self. or openly mention it?
Touch - What if you keep changing where your hand goes, throwing off the rhythm. How would they react if you gradually move your hand south?
Eye Contact? - what if you just stared at them the whole time. Would they keep the gaze?

The Feet:

How aware is the partner of their feet? Your feet?
Pushing people's limits
What if you are constantly staring at your feet? What if you keep stepping on their feet?
Is it possible to be off beat during slow dance?

The Dialogue:

Exploring conversations during the dance.
When leading the dance, lead the conversation.
How much is your partner willing to reveal about their self?
What if you go into a deep conversation about your ex or current lover, starting with a memory triggered by the current playing song? Will the partner listen, engage in conversation, start to give advice and/or reveal information about their own romances?
Open ended questions allow for various types of discussion.
Scripting.
Resisting discussion. Can't speak? Smile? No smile?

Gender Roles

The conventional female/male dance. Does there have to be a sexual chemistry./agenda between the two participants?

Victor/Victoria.

Films: Seven brides for seven brothers, Le Bal

Lectures: Martha Wilson,
Ori Gersht, Hamish Fulton

Hamish Fulton: .."do in your art what you are really interested in, not what you think will make your career..I was interested and still am, in camping and walking. So that's what I did and do to this day, in my art practice. I walk and camp///".

Martah Wilson: .." it's ok to be unpopular, be unpopular!"
" you are changing the world.."....."i make art for myself....first", "internal sense of the audience...."



Katya Grokhovsky, Slow Dance, Open Studio 2010, SAIC

THIRTY FOUR: manifesting destiny

Katya Grokhovsky, Slow Dance, Art Loop Open, Palmer House, Chicago, Installation detail

UNTITLED, 2010, Katya Grokhovsky, photo Andrew Green

Manifest: some destiny, please
To not consume it all.
Instructions: to fly and bleed for us, there is no time, like, yes, now, like :Sweat and cry.
Softer falling leaves, mambo italiano, mexican bekafast
Slavoy Zizek on empty stomach and asymmetrical haircut.
Nervous tension, anxiety and full blossoming.
Let us pioneer and return
overheating
Memories flood the floor
Stopping to patronize
Occasionally and unusually greater than?

La Isla Bonita, that island of dreamy soft pink fluffy yellow sun bunnies in your eyes.Chewing gum and bubbling up inside. Coca cola all round you. Leveling. Sticky lovely thoughts. Heavy ideas. Dressed in piles of clothes - immigrating to nowhere. White flowers on the train to future of your West.

tie them tip tie them up and be strong. stronger than ever. you will learn. trust your gut. be there for it all. the glitter and gloss and shiny glass and perfume and softer loves and mingle: licking of your hands - be true

Pina Bausch

Tania Bruguera


Kate Gilmore



Yoko Ono

Instructed to not paint.

Perhaps, I will dance and move and smile and jump for you a little bit.

Perhaps I will dance with you a little bit tonight, holding your hand, and touching your soft rough cheek. I am a lady in red, let me kiss your air. Let us make a contract, I might hurt you in the process, please sign under the line, under the dot, please make a mark, leave a dot, leave something, fragile and exhausted, floor and ceiling, melting minds, volcano of idea making, let me give you my headpiece and gift you my head space. Perhaps it's empty, perhaps there is nowhere to park. Perhaps I am aware of the worldly pressure. Time, time, my time is seeping, darling darling, do you speak any other languages? Maybe? How strange, I don't think I do anymore. I think I have forgotten . Please, no more Lady Gaga, not here, please stop. why that blonde? She's dead. Un-die her, perhaps she needs some water, perhaps she needs to come alive, who is her prince charming? He killed her? How awful, darling darling, I have forgotten my language. My lips are soundless, I am hissing at you all and undermining your integrity. Boiled down to it all, nothing to leave and say, Marilyn's diaries reveal a psychotically challenged mind. She was a "sick girl". Girl. Girl. Move it.

come and communicate with me.

thirty three: art looped and instructed to dance

Katya Grokhovsky, 2010, untitled, photo Andrew Green

Once upon a time they created art loop open competition.
an artist entered.

art looped, forever turning , wheels in motionless stagger...
looping it's own vertigo, let me step off and collapse into a useless crumbling heap in the corner of conceptual thought
the conceptualised
instructed to dance
dance as if no more tomorrow
dance northbound
dance and slow
as if there is no one to love and care for

poem to reality check
dinner paid by a mystery man
voted public, public voted?
they danced softly clumsily to my instructions on the wall and voted for me

abroad and tainted
how far

nausea ad
ad nauseum
pretty close and shutting down.
overload through highway of art, intentional nausea
alert and emptied out
concrete and magnificent
tell you what,
this perhaps, should have been a hobby? what a name for a show..
perhaps
alert and sleepy
sleep
sleep
instructed to live slower and calm down. Calming down
4pm calm and sleepy. in bed on Monday.
Exhausted state of Graduate.

Trimming the access of the layers of fatigue, here, now, just a little bit more, warmth, blankets, bed bed drream, please a little bit more..ok.
Seconds ago
Slowing down
Slowing Down

TWENTY NINE: gestures, power and gender

Invitation to slow dance, 2010, Katya Grokhovsky (dancing with Maya Jeffereis)
photo Andrew Green

Invitation to slow dance , Katya Grokhovsky, 2010 (dancing with Crispin Rosenkranz)
photo Andrew Green

How gendered is slow dance? Am I actually, forgive me, surprised? Possibly? I am. How naive. yes. It is gendered. everything IS. Absolutely is. Maybe perhaps I'm so used to being my own boss , I never re-think my gender until I am of course, rudely reminded. I don't mean on the street or anywhere really, I mean in my own art re-finement and it comes biting me, jolting me. Me. woman. re- a woman. You have ovaries and things and period and things and mood swing and things and breasts and all of it. your body is watery jelly dark unknown, your biology...My biology. Shall we? Dance with my biology? Twirl and spin slower . Slower.

..who's the man...there is no man. let me be the leader- you follow. serenade to me.Rebbecca Horn. extend my body- make it stronger....make it powerful...give me steel..afraid to crumble and die. body landscapes body choreography and gestures....eating lemons pickled juice drinking pickle heaven ...uhhuh...embracing my weakness. Low low lower...paying attention to details...extended eyes...green eyeshadow, foundation. beige softer beige . black dress. I don't wear that. well..stilettos digging into concrete floor. I have strong arms, let me lead you. do you mind? he minds.

He always minds. why do I have to fight you for leadership? I'm a natural born leader or so they say. poor pushy bossy bitch? ahhh don't women have to be be aggressive? aggressively slow dancing I am twirling and being twirled. I am rounding up my thoughts. what if I never fall in love again? what if this it. all I have. this is it. right now. who saw it? who wrote about it? who took notice? who came ? who cares? twirling being twirled. dip me. I'm dipping. dipping. him her. let me teach you, it's easy.

How easy? terribly tired feet now. Stilettos, heavily carrying the burden of my body. testing testing enduring and smiling lovingly. Would you? No. Embarrassed? No. rejected.

Getting up on a chair at 8pm , during my 16th bday party, thanking everyone for coming. I tried to pull all my hair heavy thick hair up into a do. it was falling apart all evening. the dress which never fit me well, cheap black organza, lots of skirts, wide belt and buckle, numerous straps. that doesn't suit you or fit you well. don't slouch. always curving your back. stand up straight. would you dance with him? he's always asking about you. I am always asked about. You know her. yes, I know her. Food overflowing on round tables, pickled tomatoes, my favourite. stop eating them. I can't stop eating them. I eat them. how drunk are you and why do you have two pairs of underwear on? Um, I don't know I feel more protected this way? protected from what? I don't know. I just feel like wearing two pairs when I wear a skirt. that's all. pretty easy to understand I believe. I'm not so sure about that.

Spin slower. Step softly, just shuffle. Do you mind if I lead? I lead naturally, it just happens, that's why I cant find a man, you see.. HA! Apparently. I love to lead, I lead every dance, that is why I can not dance proper couple dance steps, you know, tango, all of it, I just lead and hate being led. In Argentinian tango the woman is just gently supposed to fall into her partner, I can never release the control, the trust is never there. I resist and strongly, it is quite comical actually. maybe there is nothing funny about that, but when it happens, I find myself in hysteria over it. I smell onion breath, did you just eat onions? No well, maybe at lunch I think..well, I can still smell them....step, step, step, step again.

Steps:

1.Find and invite a partner to dance with you. Look into that person’s eyes, when you ask him or her to dance.

2. Escort your partner to the dance floor slowly. Don’t be nervous, there is nothing to worry about.

3. Assume the position, face your partner, standing so that your head is about a foot or two away from his or hers.

4. Begin to move to music together with your partner, as you desire. Traditionally, the man leads, however, there are no rules anymore. Shuffle softly, slowly and smoothly. Follow the beat of the music and the leader.

5. Interact with your partner verbally or via eye contact during the dance.

6. Thank your partner for the dance.

Odessa notes, Katya Grokhovsky, 2008

TWENTY EIGHT: SHALL WE SLOW DANCE

Invitation to slow dance, 2010, Katya Grokhovsky
photo: Andrew Green


Invitation to slow dance, 2010, Katya Grokhovsky
photo: Andrew Green

Invitation to slow dance, 2010, Katya Grokhovsky
Photo: Nicholas Foster

Dance.

Let me come out of the closet and Dance. If I wasn't doing this....I would be? Perhaps...

let's possibly do it. let's try, let's tremble. let's slow slow dance tonight. Would you like to slow dance? Sadness suddenly pinches and tugs annoyingly at my heart of hearts. Holding the soft smile. rejected? would you like to slow dance? No? I won't pressure you. Please? How do you dance this? Follow me. Do you dance with females as well? Will you be the man or will I be the man? Just follow me, there is no man. I will lead you, put your hand in mine. trust me, you will be fine, it's very easy, very. Your hand on my waist, you are a man. I hug your shoulder. do you always lead? Always. The music is kind of terrible.. Is it? It's romantic. yes. It's romantic. Emotional and romantic. Embarrassing? Emotional? I don't feel anything. It's sort of well, cheesy. Cheesy, what an interesting concept. yes. cheesy. You know, when I lived in the Cheesy country of soviet union, I never thought something could be cheesy, the concept dissolved inside the large cheese itself. Now? let me dive into the idea. The distance between us is so small. the distance between us . Faces, skin tone, texture, glasses shimmering, eyes blinking, eyelashes, pores. hello, I'm Jason. You all right. yes, great. My breasts touching the torsos. facing the distance. Tango? let's tango a little. How do you tango? Dramatic gestures, this is a socially awkward situation...Social slow dance. I had no idea you are able to talk during this. No steps? Thank you . Thank you for the dance. this is like, kind of in the end of those movies..yes. movies. not life? No. There is never a slow dance at the end. I have never danced like this before. It's not really a dance, is it? I have no idea what I am actually doing, at all. Is this "my way" in Italian? I think it's in Spanish. Let's dance to it. ...Sorry, I think I stepped on your feet, I'm so sorry. never mind, it's part of it. This is so much fun and it's also kind of hard. yes, it's harder than I thought. Trying to be natural and working at it, working at being natural...Unnatural exhaustion, stilettos. Smile and move on. This is the performance? really? I don't ..oh hang on..I get it. I do, I do. Wonderfully subtle. This might be coming from your heart..oh...oh....yes, perhaps it is. It is.

TWENTY SEVEN: BACK TO SCHOOL SPECIAL///i wanna be loved by you...nobody else but you

Katya Grokhovsky 2010

BACK TO SCHOOL.
SPECIAL?

2nd year MFA.
Who's afraid? ............Puh!...I couldn't aspire to anything higher....i wanna be loved by you...just you....
New bigger studio. Fishbowl, window above my head, I can be watched from the street 2 floors above. Exhibitionist? Down-under in the basement. SHOULD I DANCE FOR YOU? I can see a triangle of a sky. Success. Tiny pleasing miracles in abundance. Attracting energy. BANG BANG. Preparing an action-performance. INVITING TO SLOW DANCE. obsessing over the sentimentally softly glamorous and vintage play list. trying hard, crying lost illusions. languages floating in and out of my headphones and consciousness. It'll happen at the edges and the borders.trusting instinct, loosing sleep, breaking my own awkward moments and movements.Hidden talents? Dance and realistic-renaissance painting ability. ...alone.....

divivverer...vomavere..questa..cosa...elluuuuuni comnera somprandra la cosi...
pue che poui...naon lachara....ALL YOU CAN YOU GOTTA TAKE THIS LIFE AND LIVE IT...NEEEVER ...I UNDERSTAND..OHHHHHOOOGO

seeping gently into my veins mixing inside....dancing..the slow dance playlist enters my center..words sing themselves...just you...nobody else...

you get one chance.....its shadows every memory that....i tell you this because i know...

Fear and loathing: pleasure and truth: be ready. Metal wielding ? Frustrating myself, I am attracted and appalled. No tool language. Basics and I'm nearly crying. Really? Open flame beckons and I submit to endless safety and instruction lecturing. Metal? here we go, sculptor! New leather boots. they hurt my feet. Performance, writing and metal blending into each other in harmony in my meddled head. Let's figure this one out. Shock and blood, guts and wonder. Sweating and swallowing pride and ego. yet...Possibilities and new worlds. My head fills itself up with ideas, which when hitting the wall of reality , fall heavily to the concrete floor of the shop. Ah well. Let's see what we can achieve here, best of all, learn. Trying to stick to this is perhaps futile, but let me try , please, I promise I'll survive the drill and grind, so to speak! Fear full? Yes. Quitting? No. This is a performance anxiety accelerated and submitted to objective thought, what am I to do in the metal class, in the heavy duty beautiful metal shop? Perform miracles. Make something, damn it! NEXT!

MONCIONE TUTT POI DIVIVERA LA PICA PUI VHE PUO pu che puoi

Should I dance for us?

Social history of dance. Ma le ruci, tittera fonte teiento...Italy..I miss youuu..nun merascicio ti peki viento...cominche....Tu pole liesei...tmatanto tonte bella nesai...una c tae normale...syo snat tuitno delesaui....

Heart stings...strings strings voice ..Julio Iglesias...why so emotional?

tu poic bena

I was by myself ...lonely wine..then he walked in..with some woman whose place was once mine..and she wore his ring on her finger...


the band began a song...i saw a man and he danced with his wife...we danced on this floor..his eyes were only on me...where how could i go wrong? all night long...two weeks later...knock on a door...he was back...all those good times before...he kissed me and he told me i left her coz i love you..so much more...than i knew...

i saw a man and he ..now hes dancing with me


i remember before his eyes were only.....

a volte infrantifantasia te nedo tlemaneta soviviaolia supita ete che choriosmoi te vosto viseop jama prses molatil ah volte tvoreeeeeeee...di voy madonna angelic miy cuda lamangia sequanta compania ...novokarcheta vnuknemore ahit diunessimenaychoria...ahit coviltekruorreyh...ai volte kuoreeee...

La La LA jhtjhtb iehhhhhhmmmmmmm..lAlAl lA lalaln jmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmla la lallalaaaaaaaaaaaalallllllllllaaalalalala- - - -hmmmmmm
hmmm
hmmmm
hmmmm
hmmmmmmmmm...-----traaababababbabababa 11111.............tryyyyrimdkmngksngkweht.....hmmmmajjjjammmmhkkklllkkkhmmmgjtt fggrgrksklslslsnfhfhjfjrnrtbrbrbhrhrhrhrhrh........................-----------.....----
dtadtataaaa
fdad dad da
ohhhh che sisate ehe kuvosefei scoraso maoisokundatroooo..feisorhntiro

useioemor
tamericano orheokukivosei foifraquazi asitnuulmatouuuu...

tetisoramait.....


Theories? Music.

Oahiylalllayayyai...dont lebe in me in all this pain..dont leave me out int he rian...vome back bring back the smile...i need ur arms to hold me now..nights r so unkinf..bring back thsoe nights...unbreak my heart.....say u love again me gaian..undot hese tewras hurt when u worked out the door uncry these tears i cried so many nights...unbrerak my heart my heart...my heart....take back that sad word goodbye bring back the joy to my life come and kiss this pain away icant forget the day yu left time is so unkind....and life is so cruel without you here beside me unbreak my heart...say you love me again undot his hurt because you walked out of my life uncry these tears ic ried so many nights unbrerak my heart ....hooooowwwwwwooouuuuu


Puh!
Touching? Dont leave in on this pain dotn leave me out int eh rain bring abck the nights when i held you.,.,unbreak my heart say you love again...uncry undo this hurt you caused when you waclek un brrak oh baby come back and say you love me unbreak me without you i just cant go on say you lobff em v me me love come love me unbreak my heart say you love say you love me say you love me say you love me

Time. 3 hours of sad slow songs and a summer of choosing them and I am not a puddle of mush, yet torn heart strings might tear once more, just a little. cheese? why is something considered cheesy and embarassing? the borders are softly dissolved and I am convinced it matters little.

pampam...palalalal....undrgrizelzhigodeboden....zigofoleolgo...taileo shufeinhn....shguehin....
tatatat....

let me be misunderstood...

if you go away...if you go away...but if you stay ill make you a day like no day has been or will be again

leave me just enough love...to hold in my hand..if you go away..ne me quitte pas!

Dance me through the panic
Touch me with your naked hand
Touch me with your glove
Dance me to the end of love.

reading books about dance.
watching films about dance.
listening to music for the dance.
dancing for hours.

performance friday.
let's dance
shall we dance
cry me a river!
I cried a river over you!