This project is a yearlong online written and visual document of my voyage towards completion of my MFA at School of the Art Institute of Chicago in May 2011.

RYTHM33, April 8th, 2010

RYTHM33, April 8th, 2010
photo:Miao Jiaxin

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

forty three: iris , virginia, sylvia....waiting longing waiting


Flowers, Viktor & Rolf Collection, Spring/Summer 2003, stills/screenshots

Falling harder

I long for the softest

purest lace of thought

Retire to calm nervous tension

relieving painfully uncovering

snow- coldest touch

I suffer and look directly at them

They stare


Sylvia, Virginia, Iris

Marching and banning your drums

Stones in your pockets

Rivers flowing, the seas, the sea

Seagulls

your brave thoughts

Screaming onwards

Go, go, go

Match your flags

I continue


Sparkling diamonds

Hands apart I have no fear

Hollow blackness and granite silence

I am upside and downwards


Reunion of thought and old feelings

You are my mountain


Embody me, you’ll understand

Or perhaps you never will

Does it matter?

To my knowledge I shall resign from you

Right now

You remind me

I crawl towards your chronic fatigue

Gather your ample skirts

Shake your meaty limbs and overflowing breasts

Standing absently minding doorways

Blurred vision

My flatfooted stumble towards you

Red lipstick candlelight

You will never leave my bed

Around your meek and weakened limbs


I am afraid

I am afraid by entering me you will steal

These emotions are worth nothing

Nothing is

The glare of the screens

the music beating your heart

Forward

For one day, you too, shall die

It won't last


I have barely gathered


What do you want from my body

Solid heavy embrace

Trembling in your selfish presence on behalf of all the others I salute you

You loved me once

Perhaps again you do

Reflective surface of my skin I can see you

From here

the state of the need

your new name

we fly back and fade to black

Leaving painfully

Behind your fingertips and traces of saliva

Silvery red and slippery

The space between you

the clown

The children we shall not know

The trees the stones of jewellery the leaves and spring

Oldest pausing backwards

rewinding

Never reaching, never floating

In Paris or London

Belonging singing praising you

The cities swoon and crumble under the heaviness of your leather boots

Stumbling over her grandeur run and laugh

Accordingly

There are no windows

No doors no exit no entries

The hidden treasures

The space

The floating worlds and slowly cooked ideas

The stew of flowers

I collected in the fields

The coffin of the melodies

The red cloth

Covering

What are you waiting for

For the treasure of stupidity

For the true value of mad rush

the flat fields and meadows

in the corn, the wheat


solo

Knowing unknowing

Rising and skies above

The loneliness pursuing

in shadows

Xmas light decoration

lurking in the smallest

details carved in whiteness

purple shadows and yellow highlights

Waiting Waiting longing longing

the light

Reminds me

I shall be terrorizing you soon

Herself

Do you know where she lies?

Somewhere around here

The children we call women

The women we call old


One day you will be what they all are amongst your mountains of junk food bright wrappers plastic to go containers and Jewel oz co bags amidst piles of unwashed laundry mimicking your relationship to your self one day it will be omitted little how large how big how small you were how thin how fat how thick one day wondering the streets of the city of oz which you create you stumble across the world of you and once upon a time you see yourself floating above yourself and shadows and lights fade and disappear and towards you opens a close up of your worn face and only then with windows or required thought of truth we shall Miracle into the future light of our deaths and only then you require anonymity of your art.


Bright bold spectacular

Working hardly

Perfecting hair

You bring her food

Enjoying the body

Rooted in loneliness

Describing in blood

I understand your Misery

Sometimes silence trembles beside me

I let it


Fuck

the world owes you nothing

the blue stain

the chunky white stroke of your paint

the brushed aside

your tiny world sins heavily

awkwardly you dance

slowly gesticulating

nowhere have I found

these types of unconsciousness

the green of pastures

to accomplish

to shock

to remind and walk

to flirt feverishly vomiting your juices

I swelled

nothing remains whilst you may weep

nothing stings anymore

golden

the troublesome boy

the best of the year

the dry mouth

the liquid

the soup

them sitting beside me

Virginia, Iris, Sylvia

Head in the oven

River

The brain stew

The active birds

Outside

The snow covered Chicago

The unwilling flights of fancy

I AM to be


awaiting

glowing in my own dark

Ah, repelling men, I rejoice

Oh gloomy days

I seek you out

The depressed awaiting collaboration

The contributions are welcome

upraised

unskilled and handsome


tint the nights

of the blankets

the coffee colored stains

the trees in your frontyards

no imitator

you try so hard to learn

words express hardly touching your toes

you burn burn burn for nobody to catch

redeeming and fasting

the true meaning

the blur

the idea

that idea


I want gypsy floated large skirts layers and volume

flowers unmatched all colors mixed

twirl and scoop swoon and return

alert

everyday is your party

Party it up girl

woman you are

refuse to be polluted and shallow

floor length tulle

barely skimming

ashes