Untitled,18th April, 2010
@SAIC,
performance space
Constant rotation, dizziness, accumulation of satisfaction, momentarily achieved. It all goes by too fast.Time, Lust, Food, Hunger, Desire.Managed. Hurried.
Sunday shopping tomorrow, alternative endings on you tube, lonely spinning of old episodes, memory in denial of that happiness. Mother's voice on skype. Mama!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Emotion in sleep. I am thinking of dying my hair ? Blond. Mama, when did you turn your long heavy jet black hair into a short dirty blond shag?
Exhibitionist, masochist, sadist, control freak, submission junkie? Sharp objects. Who said I am strong? I withstand tooth drilling and pulling as a child with no injection. The silent stance of a monument to the unnamed and forgotten. It is Saturday night. Reading. Chantal Akerman. A week before Spring Interdisciplinary Semester critique. Nervous, oblivious, alert, tired and twitching. What will they think?
Cliches/ Unmaking of my artistry. Classic performance tricks, old chocolate birthday cake, blond wig. Face down in chocolate cake. Boring. Bored housewife. Once beautiful. Once admired. Domestic lonely goddess of a shadow of my mother. Bags of food, carried by my mother across town, sweating in buses , in stilettos, pencil skirts and silk blouses. My mother's body, given birth once. Her daughter's body, unwilling to reproduce, structured since birth not to enter the kitchen as to never be subjected to perils of that kind of wife. Do not get married.
The body living. A history of obsessive food behaviors, prolonged fasting, binge eating and drinking, smoking, sexual addictive behavior. The mechanical organism, projected onto the everyday. The other element, the Jewish mother. My heavy curly hair. Almond eyes. The banned truth. Heavy breasts, grown by contraception, puberty and genetics. Wide hips, un/childbearing, slightly embarrassed smile, stomach. Whiskey with pomegranate juice. I never get sick no more.
Collected behaviors on my laptop. The dangerously voluptuous body of my art greed. I want it all! When asked what kind of art do I do...um...I am...sculpture...performance...um..installation...I draw...take photos...video? what ?
Shows attended:
Version Festival Weekend Xpo/Free university lectures
Star:noun and verb , night of performances at Outerspace.
